what I do...

I feel as though I have achieved a certain level of clarity and lucidity within the way I process, understand, conceptualize, and develop thoughts/ideas... Its as if everything is coming together, and that in recontextualizing things I am finally making my own decisions... and in not just making decisions based on caprice or opinion... these are informed... and a direct result of questioning... on 3 different occasions by 3 different people on the same day... coincidence or fate?... regardless... i was instantaneously impacted... "question things... questions will lead to more questions which will lead to answers that will and should yield more questions..." ...this may be meaningless... and a superfluous jumble of words... but for some reason... it stuck out like a sore thumb (i hate cliches)... and try as i might to disregard this imparted wisdom...there will always be that faint trace of a question mark ingrained in my mind... as a result...

Thus far I have been a mental maelstrom... and still i have not experienced the calm after the storm... yet i can still find solace in this tumult... though not staunchly set on a solid path... i feel that pliantly molding to the flux of life has been successful... i'm not sure when but that faint glimmer of beacon in the distance will guide me through the dense fog rolling off the murky waters...

I feel as though I have a hard time saying things... and even more so writing things... i have such high standards and expectations... its hard to free write without striving to be grammatically correct and employing at least one "big" word in every sentence...

Words are important to me... not so much letters because on their own their functionality in a sense becomes futile... its like giving a person a plank of wood and asking them to make a house out of it... its not possible because ... planks (along with a plethora of other various materials)...are necessary in its construction... likewise with words...

last Friday I drove into Wilmington with my good friend, peer, and contemporary Ben Lenoir... It was first Friday in Wilmington, DE... Specifically we went to check out Carrie Ann Baade's Vices and Virtues Exhibition at the DCCA; as well as Ron Longsdorf's exhibition opening at the LoFi Gallery... What stood out the most about that excursion was... not just the great experience, Carrie's Incredible paintings and attire... but some thing she had said ... to the effect of... "I feel that every painting was made for one specific person... every painting has one specific owner..." ... which i felt was an incredible way to look at the relationship between art and viewer... it was as if the painting took on a life of its own... what i found was also interesting occurred when you took the converse of that statement... and instilled a role reversal... every painting inherently has an owner that it was made specifically for, yet unaware at the time... but does every person have a painting...? a painting cant just go out and look for a person ... the person has to find their painting.... but then what if the person is as mindless as the pseudo culture of the society in which we consume...? then that person may either never have their own specific painting... so unlike the paintings that will inevitably all be accounted for... there will be orphaned people who do not have a specific painting...

Just as paintings have specific people... i feel that certain ideas, things, statements, experiences, etc. have specific words... in describing or recounting something to another person... i feel that the communicator needs to be aware that there is always that one word which will be the word that best described something... lets face it ... "i saw a good movie" ... what the hell does that mean?! there are so many better words that can be used to communicate more thoroughly to another person about what you experienced... depending on the person... good has a vast expanse of meanings in which it denotates... good: ... because it was thought provoking?...because it was reminiscent of an experience you had? ...because it made you experience a certain strong emotion? ...when trying to communicate... you must be aware that there is always a better way of thoroughly conveying to your audience what you are experiencing... and maybe... words might not be adequate... which is why I am a visual artist... i communincate in the constructed language of images ... and with in this realm it is my responsibility to find the best possible image to convey and share a certain experience/emotion with my audience/person i am interacting with ...